The Housewife Assassin's Antisocial Media Tips by Josie Brown

Author:Josie Brown [Brown, Josie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781970093216
Publisher: Signal Press

Even before we’ve shut the adjoining door and locked it, Jack’s cell rings with the opening stanza from Jaws.

“Speak of the devil,” he mutters. “Ryan, we were just going to call you…What?...”

There’s a knock on my door.

I freeze, but Jack beckons me to open it. When I peek through the keyhole, I see why:

Mary, Evan, Arnie, Dominic, Abu, and Mario are standing outside. Abu and Arnie, still sporting their undercover personas, are right behind them. They are pushing a food cart laden with delicious desserts.

I open the door. “An impromptu party? Sure, why not?”

They traipse in just in time to hear Jack explain: “—murdered and thrown overboard, off my cabin deck.”

In unison, Mary and Evan’s faces go pale. Their eyes shift to each other.

Once my door is closed, Arnie and Abu pull out bags from beneath the food carts which contain HazMat suits, masks, goggles, gloves, shoe covers, ultra-violet lights, and Acme’s failsafe concoction for wiping away anything that would indicate Hensley had been in Jack’s suite.

As they suit up, Jack beckons Mario, Evan, Dominic, and Mary to the phone. “…Yes, they’re here now…. Okay, I’ll put you on speaker.”

“Emma is on too,” Ryan declares. “ComInt picked up the attack through your ear buds. But because you didn’t see your attacker, unfortunately, neither could we. In preparation that Hensley’s body is spotted in the next couple of hours and the ship’s security team comes knocking on Jack’s door, Abu and Arnie will deep-clean Jack’s quarters of any trace of her. And frankly, I’ve got to hand it to Arnie for coming up with a great way to hide you in plain sight.”

Jack grimaces. “Oh yeah? Let me guess. Do I spend the rest of the mission dressed in a bunny suit?”

“Close, but not as funny, old boy. In fact, you’ll be much handsomer.” He puts the valise in his hand on the table, then opens it.

Inside is a mask of Dominic’s face.

Jack stares down at it. “Ryan… You’re kidding, right?”

“Frankly, I think it’s brilliant,” Ryan proclaims. “But I feel your pain. The thought of two Dominic Flemings does boggle the mind.”

“It doesn’t do much for the libido either,” I mutter. “Mine, anyway.”

“Ditto,” Jack grumbles.

“It could have been worse,” Ryan warns. “Arnie was going to make a mask of his own face.”

The look of horror on Jack’s face is priceless. Then again, I’m sure mine mirrors it.

“What about Dominic’s fans?” Jack asks. “I can’t be incognito if I have to fight them off.”

“I doubt seriously anyone will mistake you for the real deal,” Dominic sniffs. To make his point, he turns to my full-length mirror. Staring at himself, he adds: “As badly as you wish it to be, you must face facts, old boy. I mean, just look at me! I’m taller, with an Olympian’s physique, and always fashionably dressed in bespoke attire. Not to mention that my perfect posture is why I’m continually mistaken for a Royal.” Dominic smiles supremely. “And with your dull, mousy brown hair, at the very most, someone may consider you a fifth cousin twice removed—to, say, the Ozarks.

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